𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄|𝐏𝐚𝐠 𝐤𝐚𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐚𝐬𝐢, 𝐤𝐚𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐧 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠

 A line that irresistibly hunts me anywhere and everywhere, para akong minumulto nito sa beses na nakikita o naririnig ko ‘yung linyang ‘to. Tama naman sila eh, hindi ka dapat mahulog sa dapat kaibigan lang. It’s a trap you can’t avoid. Para akong sa-sakalin sa layo at lapit namin sa isa’t isa. Before I even enter this friendship we have, I knew the moment I fell for her had already ruined us. Kinaibigan ko lang naman siya kasi alam kong that’s the closest thing I’ll ever get to her. Pero hindi ko naman pinagsisihan na kinaibigan ko siya, she’s a gift I never knew I could ask the universe for. The first time I cross upon her, nahulog na loob ko sakaniya. This was years ago bago pa man kami maging “friends” umamin na ako sakaniya nun, and that was a universal experience for me considering that it was my first time confessing. Unfortunately, things didn’t work for us. We were classmates kaya it was difficult for me to handle the circumstance we had. Gladly, we had this mutual friend na naging bridge sa pagkakaibigan namin. Gumagala na rin kami paminsan minsan hanggan sa naging komportable na kami sa isa’t isa, to the point that I can handle the fluttery I feel while being alone with her. Hindi na ako ‘yung taong una niyang nakilala na tipong humihinga palang siya eh halos hindi na ako makagalaw sa pwesto ko. Para akong bata na nagkakagusto sakaniya nung mga panahon na iyon. After a while, na cro-cross paths ko na rin ‘yung mga taong nagugustuhan niya, mga taong minsan kong hiniling na maging ako. Pero dahil kaibigan niya ako, I get to hear all her fuss about her crushes, situationships, and nagiging love of her life. Eventually, we have fallen sa i-isang circle that made our friendship solidified than before. During those moments, I was fully convinced that I have moved on kasi naman I had happy crushies during those phase. All along, I was just a fool. I’ve been searching a piece of her each person I have had a crush on. Tipong siya ‘yung “organic” crush ko. Regardless of how many crushes I have— all routes leads to her. I’ve always been driven by temptation of confessing all over again, kahit alam kong wala iyon mapapatunguhan sapagkat siya ay nakalaan sa iba(she’s taken, pls don’t get me wrong I totally respect the significant other wholeheartedly.).Pero I couldn’t bear anymore that moment, kaya napaamin nalang ulit ako bigla. This time, I confessed in person— it was indeed nerve wrecking, doon na rin lahat nagsimula ‘yung mga pagbabago. Alam ko naman na hindi ‘yon maiiwasan, pero kudos pa rin sakaniya kasi it didn’t lead us to a broken friendship. Mas lalo lang ako nahulog kasi she handled it maturely and properly. Ewan ko ba, pero kahit na may mga flaws or qualities siya na pinopossess na majority may ayaw— I find that endearing no matter. I mean, SINO BA NAMANG HINDI MAHUHULOG SA ISANG GAYA NIYA?!?!? Kahit sabihin man ng mga kaibigan ko na kesyo ganito or ganyan siya, hindi nila alam na I’ve already acknowledge those qualities she has. What they didn’t know is that I saw something within her depths, within her soul, her well-being that made me bewitched of her. Kahit na alam kong unrequited, ni minsan kaya minahal niya ako na higit sa kaibigan? Even for a moment? Sinubukan ko naman mag move on eh, wala talaga. Nag bakasyon na’t lahat lahat malayo sakaniya, unconsciously siya pa rin pala talaga. Hindi naman ako nagsisisi na minahal ko siya, in the process of loving her made me love myself— Amidst the angst of loving her, I’ve attained the version of myself I never knew I have. Kahit na ilang taon na ang lumipas, bihag mo pa rin puso ko.Your existence itself has made me a reason to show up, sapat na rin saakin na makita kang minamahal ng mga tao sa paligid mo at lalong lalo na sa minamahal mo. Natatakot lang ako na baka sa muling pagkikita natin ay bibigay pa rin ako sa ‘yo. Isang taon nalang mawawalay na tayo sa isa’t isa. Mamimiss kita, ms. friendship. Sabi nga nila, you can’t un-love someone you really did love. Darating nalang panahon na masasanay ka nalang na wala sila sa tabi mo.

 -dagat.

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